Saudade

  It was in the last year of high school when the painful reality hit me. The reality that I fell for her. That's when it all went to shit. Those inane smiles when I saw a glimpse of her. Those sleepless nights wondering if she was straining herself with all the studies. Your jumped up and excited "Hiiis" which made my heart skip a thousand beats. All the goodnight texts festooned with emoticons and with a slight sorrow of not being able to be right beside her and kiss her goodnight. Those texts might have been insignificant for her, but those were the only hope for me to wake up the next day. But the reason she was scribed in my heart was something more infinite. For the way, she looked at the moon. Like she belonged to it. And gosh, I wish she looked at me the same way. However, what waited for me was an abode of spasm. For all the times I tried to express my love to her, it only lead her away from me. It was a crushing kind of pain, knowing you can choke someone by ...

                       It's funny how we switch from wishing for some free time at school to attending the same lectures as that one person, even if it meant 2 hours of pure torture. From how you just let it be if you missed a day, to spend the rest of the day in regret of how you now have one less wish to get that person. 11:11 was something that gave me hope to wake up the next day, to wish about the only thing which could keep me going. How I wished for her to acknowledge me. To reciprocate what I felt for her. For a little spark which would turn into an untamed wildfire, and for that fire to burn the painful reality to the ground. But I don't think it might be very convincing, for when my wish does come true. For I crave for hardships that test my love all the time because I don't believe I deserve something so beautiful, contemplating on the hearts I broke in a million little ways of the ones who loved me and at th...